TV

Spoiler alert! Avert your eyes if you don't want to know what happened tonight on ABC's Lost.

Favorite exchange of the night:
Hurley, to a mysteriously resurrected Sayid: "You're not a zombie, right?"
Sayid, in perfectly somber tones: "No. I am not a zombie."

Ahhhh. But is he? The Others leader at the temple tells Jack that Sayid is "infected," and that he has been "claimed." And that the same thing happened to his sister ... and that would be Claire, who also had a major part in this episode. In the flash-sideways scenario, Claire (Emilie de Ravin, much missed and welcome back!) gets kidnapped by a fugitive Kate, finds out that the couple who were going to adopt her baby don't want it anymore, goes into labor and saves Kate from yet another arrest. We also saw Claire on island world, at the very end of the hour, when she saved Jin from some overzealous Others.

Other intriguing bits from this episode:
* Ethan, who was so murderoously nasty an Other in previous years' episodes, turned up in the hospital as the smiling, but somehow creepy, Dr. Goodspeed, an OB/GYN working with Claire.
* Loved the Midnight Cowboy reference in the airport-getaway scene: "I'm walkin' here, I'm walkin' here!"
* Evangeline Lilly showed some serious acting chops when she caught up with Sawyer and realized the depth of his love for Juliet. Looks like maybe we're headed for a Jack and Kate reunion.
* Another great line: Aldo, one of the Others' guards, gets all huffy when Kate asks too many questions. "What is this, a press conference?" One suspects this was drawn from the producers' personal experience.
* Jack's self-doubt continues: "I don't trust myself. How am I supposed to trust you?" he asks the Others' leader.

Check back here on Wednesday for Samantha Urban's weekly Lost haiku.

Personal faves, based on tonight's show:
- The aforementioned Andrew Garcia, who was probably the best of them all;
- Husky personal trainer and Michael Lynche of Astoria, N.Y.;
- Tim Urban of Duncanville -- who got no airtime before now, but showed stage presence and strong talent with his David Cook-inspired audition;
- Fort Worth's Casey James (you know, the guy who took his shirt off). Who knew he could sing and play the blues so convincingly?
- Knoxville waitress Didi Benami, whose cover of a Kara DioGuardi song was simply beautiful to listen to;
- High-schooler Haeley Vaughn of Colorado, who sang (and played guitar) to Taylor Swift's "Change." Yes, there were a few wobbly notes, but she hit a high one that gave me chills. Plus, she's just so darned likable. It helps.

If you didn't blink, you learned the fate (thus far) of a few other locals. It seems that Michael Castro, Lloyd Thomas, Hope Johnson and Todrick Hall are all moving on to the group round. What about Denton teacher Kimberly Carver, among others? We'll either see them again or they've already fallen off the face of the Idol universe. Time will tell.

The 20-year-old cosmetologist from Richardson failed to impress in Hollywood; Kara said her audition was all over the place. Well, there's always next year! Maybe.

The tattooed dad from California who wants to give his kids an escape from gang life decided to sing Paula Abdul's "Straight Up." And it was the best that song has ever sounded, thanks to his laid-back arrangement and guitar accompaniment.
"Andrew, that was genius," Kara said. "Paula would be screaming and yelling and clapping and dancing."
Things could still go wrong for Andrew, but I'm betting he's just won a spot in the top 24.
Not the case for Vanessa Wolfe, the extremely country girl from Vonore, Tenn. Unfortunately, she sounded terrible in Hollywood. Ellen urged her to embrace her unique quality and calm herself down, "because those nerves are gonna kill you."
As she packed up and headed home, she said, "This was a ticket to get out of Vonore. I took a risk, and it didn't pay off."
She also apologized to her mom for blowing it. Yikes! Poor girl.

So we've finally entered Phase Two of the season, where 181 singers will compete for 24 high-pressure positions. (But they've already been whittled down from 100,000 hopefuls, so hey. Kudos.)
Equally exciting: Ellen Degeneres. I feel like we've been waiting for her Idol debut for five years now.
"So this is it, huh?" she asked Simon as they took their seats at the judging table. "I come on, and you leave."

I'll go ahead and say it: I was a little let down by Monday night's finale, "Brave New World." After a season of build-up, slowly amassing Samuel's apocalypto-creepy status, setting the stage for what seemed like it was going to be kaleidoscopic-crazy showdown in Central Park, between the evil and/or duped carnies and the Justice League of Benevolent Specials, it all amounted to some jittery camerawork, a few exploding light bulbs and some fairly rinky-dink cracks-in-the-earth effects.

The fight between Peter and Samuel was especially lame as they sent unseen seismic waves back and forth at each other while grunting and straining heroically or villainously, depending on whose turn it was to grunt and strain.. Likewise, Sylar's showdown with the Puppetmaster was more pffft than pow, and mostly happened off-camera. The whole fairgrounds scene just looked so staged and small -- they kept talking about "thousands" being killed but you never saw a crowd that looked like more than a few dozen, and zero sense of it being in Central Park. This was a finale that seemed severely under-produced (and under-budgeted?).

No suprise then, that the best moments were the quietest and those rooted in the writing and acting. The hospital-room interlude between Hiro and Charlie, when Hiro discovers that Charlie was swept back to the 1940s by one of Samuel's minions and has been living (and growing old) ever since. The scene of him watching through a window as the now elder, and dying, Charlie is surrounded by her kids and grandkids was a sweetly-sad moment of truth for Hiro, and us.

And the exchange between HRG and Claire was likewise satisfying as he shared his dying testimony with her in that buried trailer.

That scene tied directly into the closing vignette that served as the kick-off of the next chapter -- if there is a next chapter. Claire climbing to the top of the ferris wheel and throwing herself off as the Big Apple's TV camera and reporters watch. "What's she doing? asks Lauren. "Breaking my heart," says HRG.

Claire gets up and resets her broken bones and says "That's suicide attempt number, I've lost count.'' So now the secret is out and the world will know that "they" (the specials) are among us. Unless, of course, NBC cancels the show. But why in the Southland would they do that? Oh yeah.

Monday, May 10: Trauma (8-9 p.m.)
Wednesday, May 12: Mercy (7-8 p.m.)
Wednesday, May 19: Law & Order: SVU (9-10 p.m.)
Thursday, May 20: Community, Parks and Recreation, The Office, 30 Rock (7-9 p.m.)
Sunday, May 23: Celebrity Apprentice (8-10 p.m.)
Monday, May 24: Chuck (7-9 p.m.) Law & Order (9-10 p.m.)
Tuesday, May 25: The Biggest Loser (7-9 p.m.)

The new theme of Chuck seems to be testing the now seemingly impervious Chuck. And boy, does the show know how to hit our hero where it hurts. We know he's brainy and in possession of super-spy skills, but his heart is still the same mushy, weak lump it always was. So Monday's episode was a great one in that it didn't ask Chuck to choose between Hannah and Sarah per se (although, by the end of the episode, he did) but choose between safety and risk, logic and emotion.

Spoiler alert!

Monday's episode of Fox's 24 made one thing perfectly clear: Renee should never, ever be a contestant on Iron Chef.You really don't want her to be left alone with knives. She and Jack continued undercover in Vlad's lair, but when Vlad got a little too frisky (again), Renee lost it and stabbed him. And stabbed him. And stabbed him. And then, because she's a little bit -- what's the word? -- nuts, she stabbed Jack (but only once). There followed a semi-romantic interlude (with blood!) between Renee and Jack that had me squirming both physically and emotionally. I'm all for Jack getting some love in his life, but I wish he'd find a girl with fewer psychotic tendencies.

Meanwhile, President Taylor's peace talks continue to go awry. That angelic sheen of goodness that originally surrounded Hassan has acquired a nasty tarnish, as he continues to go after dissidents in his home country. And now he's going after their families. Bad form, Mr. Hassan. Very bad form.

Speaking of which, Dana's ex and his loco buddy screwed up their police-locker burglary and have now hurt, possibly murdered, a cop. They did all this with Dana's help in getting into the place, and I believe that's called "felony murder" in most states. She might not have been there, but her hands are bloody all the same. And that pretty much sums up this episode: bloody hands all around. Oh, and that weapons-grade plutonium? Still floating around New York City somewhere. Not to worry, I'm sure.

Before the rose ceremony, Ali dropped by Jake's hotel room to tell him she had to choose between hanging around to fight for his love, or losing her job. She was all teary and puppy-dog-eyed. I got the distinct impression that she wanted him to break down in hysterics, begging her to stay. He did not. In fact, he held up pretty well.
Meanwhile, she flung herself onto the dirty-looking hotel carpet like a 5-year-old child. Whatever. This whole thing strikes me as very manipulative.
While the other ladies showed up to the rose ceremony looking shiny and happy, Ali appeared a bit disheveled, her hair in a messy ponytail. She decided, after more tears and puppy-dog stares, to hit the road.

Clearly, this girl is head over heels for Jake. Not that the others aren't, but the rest are always worried about the competition. Vienna is just 100 percent focused on Jake -- which I suspect is why she's still around.
During his visit to Florida, Jake met Vienna's off-putting dad. By "off-putting," I mean "creepy."
Choice quotes: "i feel uncomfortable that you've got four other girls and your're dating my daughter, too. You know how that makes me feel?" Not so jolly, we're guessing. (But there are three other girls, Dad. Not four.)
"I've always treated her like a princess; that's how I expect her to be treated. Vienna deserves it and she'll do the same to you. You'll come home the house will be clean, the kids will be raised right...."
What the heck. There are just so many things wrong with those sentences.
Also wrong: the fact that Vienna's dad bought her some sort of "promise" ring, and that he barged in on her and Jake's makeout session. Ew.

Wearing polka-dotted rain boots, sweet little Tenley took Jake to her hometown dance studio, where she said, "My ex-husband never really saw me dance the dance that was in my heart." She then proceeded to dance that dance, and Jake was pleased.
Earlier, she asked about his relationship to his parents, seeing how his ex "basically let somebody else plan his life."
Good Lord. Can we get the ex out of this date, please? Actually, no.
"The last time I saw my mom," she told the camera, "I told her that my ex-husband -- this man I loved and adored -- was not coming back."
My prediction: Tenley will be the one who backs out of the rose ceremony. Clearly, she has not healed from the alleged heel.
Oddest quote of the night came from Tenley's dad: "A few months ago we were watching TV and we saw you on The Bachelorette. You appeared to be a man of integrity, and I admired you."
So this man regularly sits around watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette -- even when his daughter isn't on it. Huh.
Anyway, this was a highly emotional date; Tenley cried, her mom cried, her dad cried, and after Jake asked Dad for Tenley's hand in marriage, the Bachelor (almost) cried. Take that as you will.

As she and Jake strolled around Williamstown, Mass., the weather was so perfect and non-windy that it seemed like a soundstage. Their walk eventually led them to her deceased grandmother's mostly-empty house.
"I know her spirit lives there," Ali explained to the cameras. "And she met him tonight." Wow, how weird and not-romantic. I'm sorry to say that. But I'm gonna.
Ali's mom loves Jake; she gave him her blessing. You could totally see her as his mother-in-law. Or at least I could

Her mom is straight ouf of New Yorker central casting. "That's my concern, you know?" she said in her authentic and thick accent. "Is he gonna break Gia's haat."
During her little sit-down with Jake, Mom asked how he'd take care of her daughter.
"Protecting means if someone is saying something bad about you or something, they're right there, having your back," she said. "They're there protecting you with whatever somebody's hurtin' you with."
Jake nodded and said, "Exactly," but he had no idea what this woman was saying. That was clear. I chalk this up to the difference between Texans and New Yorkers, but that's just my theory.

With four lovely ladies left, Jake is now visiting each of them in their home element. First up: Gia, who lives in New York City. After they boarded a boat to Manhattan and took some photos of each other, Jake said he's noticed that Gia doesn't talk about past relationship much.
"I really had one terrible relationship," she admitted. "He was into bad things, he cheated on me with all my friends, he was young, the communication when we fought was TERRIBLE."
I automatically pictured some studly swimsuit model. Has to be, right? She met him on a shoot and he turned out to be a rotten human being. Despite the studliness.

The commercial I admire most is the Google ad: no flash, no special effects, no naked women, no talking babies, no screaming chickens. But it's such a smart idea, telling a love story (and telling it really well) through a procession of search questions, The arc from the unentangled beginning (student questions about programs in France) to the final "how to assemble a crib" is just beautifully, sweetly done. And it deepens your appreciation of the Google brand and what it does.

But as far as Super Bowl commercials -- the good, the bad and the raunchy goes -- I liked Denny's screaming chickens, I liked the McDonald's early first quarter commercial that probably almost no one saw and the Brett Favre Hyundai commercial. But I'll go with Kia and its toy-filled Vegas bound joyride spot.

Funny new E Trade baby spot, "First Class," with the Wall-street-wise baby flying home after a business trip and explaining how E Trade "saved me a pantload."

It is finished.

Wow. So GoDaddy.com isn't even trying to do anything but leer and provoke. A pseudo-interview with Danica Patrick, asking her if GoDaddy's commercials are "too hot for TV." When Patrick responds by demurely asking "What's too hot," her interviewers gets up and starts to strip with the inevitable tease telling viewers to go to the web site to see more. Ugh.

Bud Light boors bust into a all-woman book club and act like... Bud Light boors. Crudely cute closer -- woman: Do you like Little Women? dude: "Yeah, I'm not too picky." My guess is this and other Bud Light spots will be high on viewers top pick lists, but it's just strikes me as more lazy formula.