TV

After a romantic final date with good girl Jes that included a health crisis, Poison frontman Bret Michaels delivered the best line of the series: "It was the perfect ending to the perfect day -- minus the insulin shock I almost went into."

Jes and bad girl Heather (who earlier in the season had "Bret" tattooed on her neck) were the final two vying for the rocker's affection on last night's finale.

Heather chugged from a vodka bottle while getting ready and then taunted Jes with a catty "I'm-surprised-you-showed-up" remark before Bret announced his decision.

I won't give away who won, but I will say it's never a good idea to get a tattoo of a guy's name.

I'm not sure if I should be insulted that most of the geek-centric TV airs on Fridays. Do programmers just assume that we have nothing else to do? Or maybe they just trust that we can program our TiVo's appropriately.

In any event, tonight is a night not to be missed. Start off with the Stargate Atlantis premiere at 7 to find out if Atlantis gets saved before the shield power runs out (hint: its the season premiere. I bet they don't ALL die.)

Then flip over to CBS (yes CBS) for the premiere of Moonlight, which is basically a remake of Forever Knight, for those of you who remember your 1990s Canadian-filmed science-fiction series. Our LA-based vampiric private investigator (no, its not Angel) woos the lovely Sophia Myles...

... also known as David Tennant's girlfriend. Speaking of Doctor Who, flip back to Sci Fi at 9 for the latest episode, which features Captain Jack, who's "a little more flexible when it comes to... 'dancing'."

So there you go. Set your TiVo or settle in to couch potato mode.

If you're a woman 35 or older and think you've got what it takes to be a model, circle Monday on your calendar. TV Land will be in town looking for prospects for a new reality series called She's Got the Look, which follows 20 aspiring, undiscovered models 35 and older. Winner gets a modeling contract. Casting will take place beginning at 9 a.m. at the Adolphus Hotel, 1321 Commerce St. For more info, go to tvland.com.

Here I am, two days late again.... Anyway, I didn't even sit and watch this episode (was in and out of the room trying to multitask), but Mila, the one from Boston, was first to go.

I missed seeing her debut, but apparently Euless-born Sarah Shahi, 27, has a juicy role as cop Dani Reese, co-starring with Damian Lewis on NBC's new series, Life.

She also played Sonya, Tony's hot Vegas hookup in one of the last episodes of The Sopranos, and Carmen on The L Word. She is the great-great-granddaughter of a 19th-century Persian shah. Sarah also was a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader in 1999-2000 and was cover girl for their calendar.

(Photo of Damian Lewis and Sarah Shahi courtesy of NBC)

It's easy to gloss over some of Bionic Woman's faults because of my love for the 1970s version of it and Six Million Dollar Man. (Raise your hand if "Lee Majors" were your first spoken words.)
Last night's episode packed in a lot of twists and menacing characters. Maybe it packed in too much. But Michelle Ryan is so believable. She's sweet and doe-eyed one minute, then she'll hold a knife to a man's neck the next. (Our kind of woman!)
Tom's review is dead-on, the show has a good start, but let's hope it keeps up the momentum.
Anyone else watch?

Which new show have all the critics said should be a big hit this season? ABC's Dirty Sexy Money, starring Peter Krause, Donald Sutherland, Jill Clayburgh and Billy Baldwin. (And a cameo by Dan Rather as Himself.)

We DVR'ed the premiere last night and were pretty well sucked in. Loved the way Sutherland's wily Patrick "Tripp" Darling III reeled in Krause's character, reluctant attorney Nick George, with millions for his personal charities. Billy Baldwin showed flashes of big brother Alec's comic timing as scion Patrick Darling. And Candis Cayne as Baldwin's superhot tranny girlfriend: priceless. It all worked seamlessly. We'll be watching every week!

Which may not matter in the least since The Office and Grey's Anatomy are premiering tonignt. Read the round-up of tonight's shows.

Mark Cuban learned a lesson during the first elimination episode of his stint on ABC’s Dancing with the Stars: There’s one situation in any competition when it’s better to be in second place. That’s when you’re in second-to-last place.
At the end of Wednesday night’s show, Mark Cuban learned that he and his partner, Kym Johnson, came in last among the men. But he was spared getting this season’s inaugural heave-ho when, instead, model/actress Josie Maran and her partner, Alec Mazo, were the first to take their final dance.
If the brash billionaire looked a little nervous as the show ended, he should. He and Wayne Newton were clearly the weakest dancers in the first week. And while Mr. Cuban has billions of dollars, none of them can vote. Mr. Newton, on the other hand, has millions of fans, and judging by this first week’s results, he can count on their calls.

Last night we watched Damages on FX. This Glenn Close series has become one of our can't-miss, must-see TV appointments (though we usually DVR it first, to skip through the commercials).

Like The Sopranos, it has razor-sharp writing and characters who keep surprising you. It also has a similarly hypnotic theme song with insinuating lyrics and a driving rock beat, one that's guaranteed to get your pulse racing.

The Damages theme is "When I Am Through With You" by a Los Angeles band called The VLA. About a month ago, the woman who runs Pattie's Pop Culture Paradise blog got the VLA's songwriters to send her their lyrics, which are chillingly apropos for a show like this one. In part, they go:

Little lamb, smile!
When I am through with you
There won't be anything left

Apparently, contestant Albert Reed has created a nation divided. Some felt he was the worst (see post below), while others of us were, in a word, delighted. His was the only performance I rewound to gleefully watch again -- and I haven't done that since Emmitt Smith's inaugural boogie.
But is Albert's talent visible only to the female population? Possibly.

The Biggest Loser has tons of loyal viewers and a great web site with lots of weight-loss resources. We know the show has done a lot of good for people trying to lose weight.
(As Healthy Living editor, it's my duty to link to Darla Atlas' great profile on previous champ Erik Chopin.)
But it's sad how the person who loses the most weight each week usually gets voted off because they're too much of a threat to teammates. And I always feel emotionally drained after watching the show.
Weigh in now: Is the show an emotional pressure cooker? Or the most inspiring thing on TV?

With Wayne Newton up there shaking the 65-year-old flab, they ought to call it "Dancing with the granddaughter.''

OK, the judges at first acted like NBA refs. They said Mark Cuban's "technique needs work.''

Yeah, right.

Whatever that means.

But like Mark Cuban said before he began dancing: "I'm not going through all this pain and agony just because.''

He didn't exactly wow the judges, who gave him a very pedestrian 21. That gets him through to the next show, though, which is good enough.

That means he didn't get "Donaghyed.''

No, king of the dance floor.

The man kicked some tail, even if he did show his own to prove the hip surgery that he had a couple months back. Not bad for a man with a limp.

His choice of music, "King of the Road'' by Roger Miller, was masterful. Even if it wasn't his.

Even the females in our group said he should receive a 7 or an 8, which would put him into the next round, for sure.

Hey, I don't know who Albert is. But get him off. Right now. Immediately if not sooner.

This guy is to dancing what Rex Grossman is to quarterbacking.

OK, a sports writer doesn't know diddly about dancing, but Helio Castranoves looks good.

He was primped up in tails and ... OK, who am I kidding? You could put this guy in shorts and a T-shirt and he's still drop-dead.

Oh, wait, my manhood is slipping again. Sorry.

But the key to this whole part of the show was that they showed the men who are yet to take the stage and Mark Cuban, to his credit, did the "Sprinkler.'' That's a dance of some renown among those of us who can't dance.

The first guy dancer just went on his gig and the professional who was accompanying him, Edyta, was amazing.

I never had an Edyta that looked like that.

Sorry, that's a newspaper joke.

And by the way, she needs more coverage with her outfit. That's just a thought, considering that certain undergarments were peeking.

They just reviewed the women's dancing from Monday night and they talked about "strong hip action'' to describe one of the dancer's moves.

What?

I'm sure that's an asset in dancing and other things, but as a 26-year veteran of sports writing, I'm relatively confident that I've never written those words in consecutive order.

Strong hip action?

Good grief. If any self-respecting man is watching this, turn yourself into the geek police. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Unless, of course your wife is "making you watch it.''

Is it possible? Could Mark Cuban be wearing a suit for this gig?

The "Dancing'' show just started and it looks like his early attire is a suit. Doubtful that he'll end up that way when the strutting starts.

By the way, he said on his blog earlier today that you can expect the "butter churn'' to make an appearance in his dance.

OK, so I'm heading out for a lovely evening with a good friend of mine and when he's walking out of his house, his 12-year-old son is there to say goodbye.

His dad says: "Make sure mom DVRs Dancing with the Stars.''

Shane, the son, says: "Are you kidding?''

And just like that, all manhood goes out the window.

Two guys try to go to the Rangers game, tape the Mark Cuban episode of Dancing with the Stars and all we get is grief.

Really, we're not dancing fans. We're just Mark Cuban watchers. We promise. And to prove it, we'll do some serious blogging about it tonight.

So on Monday night, I tune into NBC's season premiere of Heroes, hoping for something a whole lot better than last season's finale, which managed to be both annoying and disappointing.

The premiere picks up the story four months after the finale. And it wasn't too bad, really, although it did make me wonder if they can possibly keep squeezing more new characters in at the rate they do. Somebody here is gonna have to die, people -- this time slot's not big enough for all of you heroes.

Recap ahead -- SPOILER ALERT!

Did anybody else watch Journeyman last night? I like Kevin McKidd in the lead role--he's intense in a good way--you never know if he's going to punch someone in the face or not (maybe that's a reflection of my having watched too much Rome, though he did come to blows in the Journeyman pilot).

In case you weren't paying attention during last night's The Bachelor, Austin's Brad Womack is the "sexiest man to ever walk the face of the planet." Or something like that, as we were repeatedly told by host Chris Harrison. The ladies agreed, and they did what everyone does on the first date: show off their webbed toes, contort into a human pretzel and drink waaaaayyyy too much.
As for the scruffy Womack, we approve. He's the right mix of good work ethic, good humor and good looks while wearing a towel and cooking eggs. (A video clip that ABC loved showing again and again.)
Best of all? Previews include a paramedic rescue (It's a great season when someone gets air-lifted out of the house!) and a shocking twist with (gasp!) the bachelor's twin brother. Duncanville's Natalie got sent home, but standouts include Greek-goddess DeAnna and Phoenix Suns dancer Jenni. Who were your favorites?

Ladies Night kicked off Season 5 of Dancing with the Stars on Monday, and already a front-runner has emerged. Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan wowed the judges with her precision footwork and hip-hop-inflected cha cha cha to the tune of 26 points. On the other end, here's hoping you got a good look at model Josie Maran, who's proving to be a pretty face and not much else. And go ahead and pencil in Jane Seymour, the oldest woman to ever compete on the show, as the dark horse. Her elegant fox trot had the judges fawning.
Tuesday night brings the men to the forefront and gives us our first look at Mavs owner Mark Cuban, the self-proclaimed "lean, mean dancing machine." To a man, though, the male competitors seemed to fear boxer Floyd Mayweather most. But that may be because he could crush them without breaking a sweat. Dancing with the Stars airs at 7 p.m. on ABC (Channel 8)

I love Miss USA Rachel Smith's idea of the news. From the New York Daily News:

"Miss USA wants to do TV news but disses Katie Couric

Miss USA Rachel Smith tells us she wants to get into journalism, but something tells me she won't be applying to the "CBS Evening News."

'I always wanted to be a reporter — maybe some TV. Who knows? Some serious news — but some modeling, too,' she said at the Women in Entertainment Empowerment Network event last week.

'I just don't want to end up like Katie Couric. I want people to take me seriously.'"

I think she should consider modeling WHILE doing TV news. That would be talent.

Plan on watching Heroes tonight? Your plasma TV can't compete with the Angelika's high-definition screen, so hop on over there to watch tonight's premiere. Best of all, it's free. Okay, best of all is actually Milo Ventimiglia and Adrian Pasdar on a movie screen, but who's counting? Show starts at 8, and you can pick up your free ticket at the box office starting at 7 p.m. Seating (as in life) is first-come, first-served. So no waiting until 7:55 to sneak in.

I watched PBS' airing of Ken Burns' The War last night. Hands down, I'm a Burns fan but the opening segment of the series didn't wow me in the all of the ways I thought it would.

All of the flashing forward and flipping back has me confused as far as the chronology of events prior to the United States' involvement. It's confusing enough that I wish I had an actual printed out timeline to refer to while watching. If that aspect doesn't improve with the coming segments, it's going to be hard to keep in chronological perspective, which can be nothing but detrimental to the overall story.

Even if the time perspective doesn't improve, there are still plenty of artfully told, important stories to watch in this series. Burns digs in at certain points to give intimate perspective on just what it was like to be there and experience the global challenge that was WWII. At these points, the narration, interviews, photographs, maps and music do come together effectively to make deep impressions.

Burns' bravery to show and tell the unimaginable lived up to my expectations of his works and definitely taught me about the scope of brutality in Asia, the Pacific Islands, and Italy - far away geographically from Nazi atrocities but just as awful. I started to realize last night that there are stories of suffering and savagery from all around the globe that have never been told on as wide a platform as those stories told by Nazi Germany holocaust survivors. Burns is giving those other stories a perspective and a voice so far. I'll be watching tonight at 8 p.m. on PBS to see what happens next.

HBO’s Tell Me You Love Me lured me back in last night. After last week’s anger-filled relationships-are-difficult episode, I cursed the show and felt icky afterward.
But last night’s episode of the controversial shows-just-a-little-too-much drama was intriguing. And, I can’t stop thinking about what Katie’s husband was about to say. (“I love you, but…” But what? But I found someone else? But I don’t like women anymore? But I’m dying? But what?) Plus, the previews of recently broken-up Jamie’s wild side will have us watching next week. Another favorite part: The real couples who weigh in with their thoughts right after the show.
Viewer alert: If you haven’t watched this episode yet, fast forward through the last five minutes when the therapist and her husband appear on screen. Trust me.