TV

On Tuesday night's Dancing with the Stars, the weirdest thing happened -- nothing weird happend (unless you count the Michael Jackson Thriller tribute coinciding with the children's dance finals). After an improbable run, Marissa Jaret Winokur was the final elimination before next week's finals, featuring Kristi Yamaguchi, Jason Taylor and Cristian de la Fuente.

We got decent performances by all in the first round, but things got shaky after that. Round Two, which gave our gang control over the songs they chose, was really bad. David A. explored his nonexistent R&B side with Chris Brown's "With You;" Syesha picked "Fever" so she could use a chair as a prop -- and then just sort of walked around it; and David C. hit some gnarly notes during Switchfoot's "Dare You to Move."
The third round was more predictable. Everyone's favorite tot squinted earnestly through "Longer;" Syesha gave us an upbeat but forgettable "Hit Me Up;" and David C.'s "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing" was respectable. (He's no Steven Tyler, but who is?)
I look forward to David Cook winning next week.

Who else wanted to punch him?

Syesha was given Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You," while Rocker David had to turn "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" into a guy song.
Syesha's effort was OK. I'll just say that sparks did not fly off my TV screen. David C., on the other hand, showed off his artistry once again. The dude rarely misses these days.

Our trio will sing a trio of songs tonight: one chosen by the judges, one from the producers, and one of their own. First up was David A., for whom Paula picked "And So It Goes."
Blah. Whatever. I'm kind of over Archuleta's earnestness. But the judges aren't! Randy said, "You can sing anything, baby!" while Paula called it "a pure and stunning performance." Simon weighed in with "very good, no surprises, a bit predictable."
Thus, he retains his status as the teachers' pet.

If you tuned in last night for The Bachelor's finale, then you saw Matt Grant drop to one knee and propose to Shayne Lamas, the actress-daughter of Lorenzo Lamas.

As a next-day follow-up, here comes Girls Gone Wild entrepreneur Joe Francis announcing that Ms. Lamas will be appearing in a six-page spread. In a press release, Mr. Francis says "Shayne has a genuine 'girl next door' quality, but she also happens to be very hot."

Nice. Maybe this GGW spread will be the cornerstone of the couple's lifelong commitment to each other.