TV

Here's our first experiment in animation and visual punctuation, courtesy of the latest latest thing on the Web, xtranormal.com. You've seen the Geico commercial; now check out the guidelive short.

There are all kinds messages and meanings you can apply to the television-themed nominations of the 68th Annual Golden Globes. Cable vs. broadcast, the blurring of movie/TV stardom, the rise of television as the platform for interesting women's roles, but one jumps out. If you're looking for a short, sharp summary of the 2010 Fall TV season, look no further.

I come not to bury Terriers, but to praise it. I'm a little slow in commenting on the cancellation of the FX series at the end of its first season -- the news came down earlier this week -- because it's one of those moments when the more you think about it, the more depressing it becomes, and to be honest, I just didn't want to think about it.

To be all first-things-first about it, two opposing facts about Terriers are simultaneously true: It was the best new show of the 2010 season, and almost nobody watched it. Averaging less than a million viewers through its 13-episode run (it averaged 970,000), the show never gained any traction, making its cancellation the most stinging inevitability in a year full of them.

As to the what-went-wrong post-mortem analyzing, how about this: If you've never watched Terriers and are reading this, what do you think the show was about? Some kind of dog show? Maybe you heard something about private detectives, so maybe there's a talking dog detective or maybe a private eye is some sort of dog whisperer and solves all his cases by talking to the neighborhood hounds (shades of Forgetting Sarah Marshall's "Animal Insticts).

The point is Terriers is the best show with the worst title ever on television. After watching its two lead characters -- Donal Logue's downwardly mobile ex-cop Hank and Michael Raymond-James' marginally reformed criminal Britt -- you figured out that the title was an abstract symbol for the show (these guys are tough, down-and-dirty, but loveable like, you know, terriers). But since, as the ratings established, almost nobody watched the show, almost nobody ever had the chance to figure out what the show was or why it was called Terriers. (Here's an idea too late. They should have just called it Ocean City, after the kooky-cool little beachfront, working-class neighborhood in San Diego in which the show was based.)

Which is a shame, because the show was great: Smart, funny, well-acted, sharply written. But above all else, it was that rarest of qualities on TV. It was subtle. It took its time, it paid a lot of attention to little details. Turns out subtlety is a tough sales pitch in the age of reality TV and extreme entertainment. With the guidos and guidettes of Jersey Shore on one end and ravaging hordes of zombies on the other, a subtlely smart-cool-funny show about a couple of guys just trying to figure out how live their lives without making a mess of everything has a tough time standing out.

Oh well, at least it lasted a full season. Those thirteen episodes create something like a thirteen-hour independent movie that's a lot of deeply satisfying fun to watch. We'll just have to get along without a sequel

Don Meredith, who died on Dec. 5 at the age of 72, was one of the first celebrity athletes, a prototype for a role that has since become a standard in the pop culture pantheon.

He was the Dallas Cowboys first star quarterback, playing from 1960-68. It's hard to imagine a more powerful platform to launch a celebrity career: leading what would become one of the most successful franchises in sports history on its way to becoming America's team through a decade marked by cultural revolution. And he had the all-American good looks and outsized personality to match the opportunity.

It presents a perfect snapshot of a moment in Americana to recall the two breakout media stars of that generation of NFL football: Dandy Don and Broadway Joe. Joe Namath, the playboy quarterback of the upstart New York Jets presented the flipside of celebrity manhood to Meredith's. Meredith was all southern charm, folksy humor and good-ol-boy charisma. Namath was a big-city bad boy through and through. They were tale of the country mouse and the city mouse brought to life and played out in the sports sections, magazine spreads and televisions of America.

Meredith never quite became the TV and movie star he seemed destined to become. Maybe the most important reason for this is that the starmaking system wasn't yet in place to facilitate such a transistion. There were no powerhouse agencies devoted to turning their athlete clients into entertainment superstars. There were no multimedia lifestyle brands like Nike ready to spend millions on cross-promotional campaigns to turn their athlete pitchmen into inescapable personalities. And with only three TV networks and a Hollywood studio system no longer the star-making machine it had been and not yet the free-agency system it would become, there were no trails blazed, no ready-made way for an high-profile NFL player to become a bankable entertainment brand.

So Meredith made do, did what was available: He was part of the classic Monday night triumvirate with Howard Cosell and Frank Gifford -- where Dandy Don made famous his classic bit of singing "Turn out the Lights, the Party's Over" when some turning-point play seemed to decide a game's outcome. He starred in some, mostly forgettable, made-for-TV movies (such as Mayday at 40,000 Feet!) and guest-starred on a procession of TV series through the 70s, most notably a recurring role as Det. Bert Jameson on Police Story.

But his most successful role was as himself, Dandy Don, the slow-talking but quick-witted country boy who became a big-city success story, and in so doing helped paved the way for the generations of athlete-celebrities who followed him.

The country's televisions are safe: Bristol the Pistol didn't fire the shot heard 'round the dancefloor. On Tuesday night's finals of Dancing With the Stars, the successful run of Sarah Palin's daughter came to an end, as the "teen activist" was the first of the final three contestants to be eliminated.

Instead, the season-long frontrunner, Dirty Dancing star Jennifer Grey was named winner of the show's mirror-ball trophy. Coming on the heels of Donny Osmond's 10th season victory at 52, the 50-year-old Grey is the second-oldest champion. Meanwhile, it is her pro-partner, Derek Hough's, third championship, making him the series first three-time winner.

Monday night's penultimate episode of, in host Tom Bergeron's words, Dancing With the Stars' "most talked about season" featured a familiar format: each competitor performing two dances. And it featured a familiar outcome. For the second week in a row, Jennifer Grey received straight 10s for a perfect-score 60. And for the eighth week out of ten, Bristol Palin came in last. Under normal circumstances that would seem to favor the Dirty Dancing star winning the famed mirror-ball trophy in tonight's finale. But this season has been anything but normal and thus far, coming in last on Monday night has meant victory for Bristol on Tuesday night.

It's no big surprise that the book Mad Men's season four viewers watched Roger Sterling writing -- his memoir, to be published under the title Sterling's Gold -- would end up becoming an actual consumer product, available just in time for Christmas, its modest size and handsome packaging making it the perfect stocking stuffer.

No, the surprise is what a lackluster product it is -- not at all what you would expect from the creator of the most meticulously detailed and thoughtfully constructed show on television. Let's be clear: the real-world Sterling's Gold, is only by the most nominal of criteria something you can consider a book. Subtitled "The Wit and Wisdom of an Ad Man," it collects Roger Sterling quotes from the show, organized in various categories -- "On Advertising," "On Drinking," "On the Art of Seduction" and more.

R&B singer Brandy (Norwood) received her best scores of the season on Monday night, and "teen activist" Bristol Palin came in last (again). So naturally on Tuesday night's results show, Brandy was sent packing and Bristol is on to next week's finals. Host Tom Bergeron repeatedly talked about this "surprising" season, but at this point nobody should be surprised: Bristol may not be a star and she's certainly not a very good dancer, but she's poised to win Dancing With the Stars' 11th season, with only Jennifer Grey and Kyle Massey in her way.

The Good Wife -- Tuesdays, 9 p.m., CBS -- is well into a great second season that is fulfilling the promise of last year's debut as one of the best new shows on TVIf you missed last week's episode of The Good Wife -- "Poisoned Pill" -- go here immediately and watch it. Or engage in whatever sort of on-demand/iTunes process you have for catching up on your TV viewing.

The episode showcases another stellar performance from Michael J. Fox dropping in on a great series in full stride to make it even better. He performed a similar feat last year when he did a five-show-stint on FX's Rescue Me, playing Dwight, the wheelchair-bound boyfriend of Denis Leary's ex-wife, who also just happened to be a pill-popping boozehound, take-no-prisoners maniac and, not incidentally, one of the most brilliantly offbeat and fascinating creations ever to light up the small screen. It's a performance that rightly earned Fox an Emmy for Outstanding Guest Actor in a Drama Series.

In The Good Wife, he introduced us to Louis Canning, a high-priced hitman of a lawyer brought in by a company trying to protect itself from a massive class action suit being led by Julianna Margulies' law firm

Six of the past eight weeks on Dancing With the Stars, Bristol Palin was at the bottom of the scoreboard, only to be voted on by fans. Monday night of week nine was no different: After two dances from each of the four remaining semi-finalists, Bristol was the low scorer. Based on history and statistics, that means someone else is going home tonight, someone that scored a bunch of 10s for their final dances -- a feat Bristol has yet to achieve. Dancing With the Stars has never really been a dance competition, but it's never been less of one. After turning in his two best dances of the season, Kyle Massey is probably Bristol's stand-in this week.

It seems that the wives of (mostly) Dallas Cowboys featured on VH1's new show, Football Wives, are having as tough a season as their player-husbands. Since the reality show's first season started (in early October), it's been like a car with a blown engine, leaving a trail of tabloid flare-ups and cast-off castmembers. There was a fracas involving the participation of an ex-girlfriend -- Mercedes Nelson, who used to date Marion Barber. Then another cast membe -- Chanita Foster -- was briefly hospitalized.

And now, according to TMZ, the show's biggest name, Pilar Sanders, wife of Deion, is telling people she won't be back on the show for a second season. So far, VH1 sources have not responded to request for details. But given how things have been going so far, worries involving a second season of Football Wives may be unnecessary.

Arguably the two biggest brains of the liberal media elite will be joining forces on Thursday night, Nov 11, when Jon Stewart appears as a guest on The Rachel Maddow Show -- think of them as the Bilateral Commission. Presumably, they will discuss the recent election and its aftermath, with perhaps a mention of Stewart's not-so-new-at-this-point book, Earth.
The show airs on MSNBC, weeknights at 8 p.m. CST.

The Dallas Cowboys should look to this season on Dancing With the Stars for inspiration: the last-place competitor keeps moving on and top-scorers keep getting eliminated. After another bottom-of-the-scoreboard finish for on Monday night, Bristol Palin sailed through last night's elimination round and is now one of the final four for next week's semi-finals. It was Kurt Warner's turn to go instead of Bristol. With the hall-of-fame quarterback gone, the field is down to three stars who can really dance and a "teen activist" who really can't.

Cowboys take heart: she could go all the way.

The return of Coco and company to late-night television with Monday night's premiere of Conan on TBS scored a 2.8, according to Broadcasting & Cable. That was enough to beat all other late-night competitors -- in your (lantern-jawed) face, Jay Leno.

Of course, first nights are always special events that draw big(ger) numbers. Let's see what happens through the rest of this debut week and on into the future. As Ricky Gervais reminded Coco and his nation in a pre-taped -- and hilarious -- segment last night, a hosting gig on "Good Morning Dayton" could be just around the corner.

The breakout star of week eight's Monday night competition was a Disney TV star that a lot (most?) Dancing With the Stars' fans hadn't heard of when this season began. Kyle Massey has been cruising along on his charm and goofy charisma, but first with a unprecedentedly sophisticated waltz and then a flat-out flawless jive, he wowed the judges and received his first 10s of the season. He still ended up in second, behind -- for the second week in a row -- Jennifer Grey and Brandy's two-way tie for first. Meanwhile, Bristol Palin again landed in last place, but that hasn't been a problem for her so far.

With his top hat, monacle, spatz and walking stick, Mr. Peanut has always been a paradigm of urban spiffiness, part of an elite club that included Rich Uncle Pennybags (Monopoly) and Sir Topham Hatt (Thomas the Tank Engine). Most admirably, he was a legume of few words; so few in fact, as to be none. But no more.

Not since the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles undertook the Coming Out of Their Shells tour has there been such a shucking-centric event. Starting tomorrow (Tuesday, Nov 9), the Planters Nuts mascot will be reintroducing himself, complete with a new grey suit and a celebrity voice provided by Robert Downey Jr. To prove that the centurion mascot is hep to the 21st Century jive, Mr. Peanut is also unveiling a new Facebook page.

Can his own talk show be far behind?

If you haven't had your fill of voting and hometown boosterism, you can check out MTV's Burlesque Dance competition -- a tie-in promotion with the Thanksgiving-release of the new Cher/Christina Aguilera movie, Burlesque -- and vote for DFW's own Regan Strand.

See video of Regan's performance over on the Arts Blog.

The 21-year-old Tarrant County College student is one of the 20 finalists and you can check out all their routines here. Regan's definitely got all the right moves, although what constitutes burlesque dancing is plainly open to interpretation and ends up blurring into your basic hip-hop-styled/ballet-brushed gymnastics.

Support your hometown team, but for straight-up beautiful 21st-century style burlesque, check out Britney H. of Chicago, and for silly-silky robotics, how about Leo S. of Denver?

Meanwhile, the cast for the show's spin-off, Skating With the Stars -- premiering Nov. 22 -- was announced. Web-based rumors proved true: aging rocker Vince Neil, once-upon-a-time movie star Sean Young and Real Housewife of New York City Bethenny Frankel are all set "to kick some serious ice." Rounding out the field of six "Stars" are Olympic skier Jonny Moseley, Disney Channel celeb Brandon Mychal Smith and soap star Rebecca Budig. Let the backside bruising begin.

On a night full of politics, few results are likely to ignite a hotter debate than Bristol Palin being spared yet again on Dancing With the Stars' week seven results show. Despite being at the bottom of the field (again) after Monday night's scoring, the "teen activist" moved onto next week, while last night's top scorer, athlete/actor Rick Fox, was eliminated. Immediately after the show, the ABC message board lit up with taunts and accusations between Bristol supporters and detractors -- can a dance floor divided against itself continue to stand as TV's number-one show? The safe-money bet: Yes.

After all the numbers are crunched, Sunday night's premiere of AMC's new comic-book-based zombie show, The Walking Dead, got the highest number of viewers ever for a first time show on the cable network.

According to an AMC press release trumpeting the results, The Walking Dead's numbers break down like this:

• 10pm airing - 3.7 HH rating with 5.3 million total viewers;
• 10 pm, 11:30 pm and 1am airings - Cumed to a 6.0 HH rating with 8.1 million viewers;
• Adults 25-54 - 3.1 million viewers;
• Adults 18-49 - 3.6 million viewers;
• Adults 18-34 - 2.1 million viewers.

The number to key into there is, of course, the highest: 8.1 million cumulative viewers. That's more than either of AMC's other celebrated and Emmy-awarded shows -- Breaking Bad or Mad Men -- drew with their debuts.

The zombies can now relax and continue staggering around AMC, gnawing on entrails, secure that no miracle anti-zombie cure will be arriving any time soon.

I want to be careful here and not react based on my expectations on trial run of Conan O'Brien's new TBS show, Conan, because if I did I would be decidedly downbeat. That's because I was expecting, based on the name "Show Zero," and some pre-show hype from the network, that it was going to be something at least approximating a show.

Dancing With the Stars must have been feeling the heat from game five of the World Series because the show threw everything the producers could think of at viewers -- a collection of past stars (including season 3 champ Emmitt Smith), a team-dance competition, and this year's cast of stars performing the signature dances of and being judged by former stars. Actress Jennifer Grey, dancing Drew Lachey's tango, came back strong and tied with singer Brandy (who performed Gilles Marini's foxtrot). Bristol Palin, came in last. Despite her endearing pluck and shy sweetness, she's the obvious choice to be cut in tonight's elimination.

As the Cowboys were spiralling down ever deeper into the black hole that this once Super-Bowl-bound season has become, I couldn't help but be reminded of this commercial for Wingstop that's been making the rounds since it debuted early in 2010.

Am I crazy or does this commercial encapsulate everything that's gone wrong for the Cowboys? Troy and Jerry are arguing over who gets the last chicken wing and Jerry's winning argument is that "Wingstop is now the official wings of the Dallas Cowboys and that makes them the official wings of me." Ack! No, Jerry Jones is not the Cowboys; he is the owner of the Cowboys. The Cowboys are, or should be, the players and the coaches winning, or more recently losing, but at the very least, playing the games.

The Cowboys existed long before Jerry Jones became the team's owner and, presumably, will remain after he's gone. Leave it to a 30-second commercial for chicken wings to distill the boundary issues that are plaguing the team: an owner who can't separate himself from the team he owns. There have been grumblings since Jerry moved the team's stadium to Arlington about the team's Dallas designation. Here's a thought: the Hubris Cowboys.

Photo by Wingstop

"It's ridiculous," said Len Goodman, head judge, struggling to find words when facing the final two couples on Tuesday night's "Results" show. He was speaking to those final two -- Audrina Patridge and Jennifer Grey.

He could have just as easily, though slightly less judiciously said it was crazy and/or stupid. These two represent this season's best dancer -- Jennifer Grey -- and it's most improved -- Audrina Patridge. Neither should be going home. But Audrina is.

In case you hadn't picked up on the significance of the name of guest-actor Julia Stiles' character -- Lumen (Ann Pierce) -- Sunday night's episode was titled "Everything is Illumenated." Hah, get it? She's like a ray of light piercing the darkness of Dexter's soul. Or something like that. Isn't it funny how ideas that can make you go 'oh cool' when you think them reveal themselves to be silly and half-baked when you write them down.

Last week, Dancing With the Stars' season-long leader, Jennifer Grey, slipped from first to second. Last night, she found herself second-to-last, until a second-place finish in the show-closing marathon bumped her up in the final standings. For the series first-ever "Rock Week," it was reality-TV temptress Audrina Patridge dancing a paso doble to Queen, actor/athlete Rick Fox tangoing to Van Halen and Disney TV star Kyle Massey dancing to Adam Lambert. The rock-n-ballroom mix proved an unfortunate gimmick, though Bristol Palin had her best dance (tango) of the season. Former quarterback Kurt Warner had his worst.

The first order of business on Tuesday night's Dancing With the Stars' results show was to inform the two lowest scoring celebrities from Monday night -- Disney Channel star Kyle Massey and "teen activist" Bristol Palin -- that they were safe. Yes, Bristol Palin, daughter of Sarah, is the worst remaining dancer on the show, but not by much, and the dancer next in line, sitcom mom Florence Henderson, was sent home. On this night, in this election year, it seems political celebrity trumped pop culture celebrity.

At the season's halfway point, with only eight contestants left, the filler quotient on Dancing With the Stars kicked into overdrive. On Monday night that meant eating up the first half-hour (of a two-hour show) with judges' reviews of each celebrity so far. And then it was also DWTS' "first-ever TV theme week," with each couple dancing to a beloved show's theme song. Florence Henderson had the toughest turn, trying to dance a tango to -- what else -- the Brady Bunch theme. But not even dancing a jive in a monkey suit to the Monkees theme saved Bristol Palin from the bottom. Look for her to get the boot tonight.

In our postmodern, media-saturated, meta-mad age, perhaps the rarest experience is to watch something you haven't seen before, something so different, so singular, you almost don't have the vocabulary or references to describe or make sense of it. That was the experience shared by an untold number of viewers Tuesday night as we watched that torpedo-tube/phone-booth looking contraption disappear into the ground and reappear to reveal another rescued miner.

Houston, we no longer have a Situation. That's because after three weeks of bringing up the rear but skirting by, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino was dismissed at the end of this season's fourth elimination episode on Dancing With the Stars.

During Tuesday night's show,' "Sitch," as pro-partner Karina Smirnoff had taken to calling him, was shown complaining about the judges' "unpositive" reactions to his Monday night tango, going so far as to stalk off camera during the post-performance interview session (a first in DWTS history). With the show's obvious anchor cut loose, a heated competition for the bottom rung will begin next week, with TV legend Florence Henderson and "teen activist" Bristol Palin leading the charge.

Sarah Palin was in the audience to watch daughter Bristol dance a sexy rumba with her shirtless (and tattooed) partner, Mark Ballas. But maternal support didn't help; Bristol came in second-to-last. Only the Situation's lamentable Argentine tango saved her from last place. At the other end of the rainbow, Jennifer Grey reclaimed the top spot with a tango that garnered the season's first 10s (two).

Maybe it's me, but I don't think so. For the second week in a row, I found Dexter to be slack, aimless and, worst of all, kind of silly. Three episodes into the fourth season and the previously taut, tense series about a serial killer trying to find a way to live among normal people still hasn't figured out what to do now, what to be about next.

Dexter's new wife is dead, his two step-children sent off to live with their grandparents, no new season-long, guest-star threat -- in the form of a Keith Carradine FBI agent or a Jimmy Smits loose-canon DA or a John Lithgow fellow serial killer -- has been introduced.

As if to rub salt in the wound, FX's top show, Sons of Anarchy, is going into action overdrive just as the corporate showdown between Fox and Dish Network has prompted a blackout of Fox channels (including FX) for Dish subscribers.

In this week's episode, "Turning and Turning," we find that Gemma, after dropping in depair in the gang's parking lot at the end of last week's show, is now handcuffed to a hospital bed, recovering from a heart attack brought on by the news, courtesy of a long-distance phone call, that her infant grandson, Abel, has been kidnapped and is in Belfast, Ireland. And off we go from there.

Monday night gave Dancing With the Stars' fans a new best and a new worst. At the top was reality TV's Audrina Patridge who garnered the first 9's of the season (two of them) to push past Dirty Dancing's Jennifer Grey, the leader the last two weeks. Comic Margaret Cho brought up the rear with straight 6's for her sloppy (but fun) samba. The judges didn't care much for Florence Henderson's waltz either, and since the biggest celebrities are being sent home first this season, perhaps America's favorite sitcom mom will be the next to go in tonight's elimination.

The whole idea here, following up each week's new episode, is to get that whole "social network" thing going. The essential fun of good TV, after all -- besides watching it -- is talking about it, comparing notes, sharing the high (and low) points and analyzing what made them so good (or bad).

But Modern Family is a comedy, and comedies are different and, in a fundamental way, harder to talk about. Great dramas are made to be pored over, dissected, interpreted. But great comedies are... funny. So the approach with these what-we're-watching posts on comedies was: just get in and get out; share your favorite line or funniest joke and be done with it.

The thing is Modern Family isn't that kind of comedy.

This week's episode, "Home," was wall-to-wall greatness: a gunfight with a bunch of redneck meth-heads, a kitche-table reunion of two Deadwood alums and some of the quietest, even wordless world-class acting you'll ever see from the great Hal Holbrook. That could be a season's worth of highlights from most shows, but it's just another episode from Sons of Anarchy, the current "best" show on FX -- and that's saying something.

The biggest star on Dancing With the Stars didn't even dance on Monday night. It was Sarah Palin, the original Mama Grizzly, sitting in the audience, cheering on her daughter, "Bristol the pistol." In her appointed role as "guest ballroom commentator, the elder Palin deflected Tom Bergeron's request to name her favorite. "They're all amazing," said the natural born politician.

Here's the swing the first episode of season 5 took me through: I went from thinking 'maybe Dexter has run its course and needs to off itself," to thinking 'wow, this may be the best episode ever; I can't wait for next week.'

One thing's for sure: "My Bad" was the most emotionally direct episode yet, even as Dexter, for most of the hour, is unable/unwilling to access any feelings about Rita's death. The show opened just about where last season's finale ended, with Dexter holding his blood-covered baby son, staring at Rita dead, at the hands of Trinity (Jon Lithgow), in the bathtub of their home.

The first half of the show is just a slow-grind of dread. As Dexter is sleepwalking through the day-after, you keep thinking about Rita's two older kids, at DisneyWorld with their grandparents (Rita's parents), and what they're coming home to.

Thanks to this report in the Hollywood Reporter, the blog-o-sphere hills are alive with the sound of speculation. Due to admittedly dismal ratings on Monday night, with the series/season premiere of the show, there is much talk of the Lone Star's imminent cancellation -- maybe even one episode out. But no official comment from Fox network execs.

Monday night kicked off Dancing With the Stars' 11th season by establishing that almost none of the celebrity contestants can dance. Jennifer Grey, the now all-but-unrecognizable star of Dirty Dancing turned out to be the only one with any real dancing chops -- imagine that.
Even stranger, Tuesday night's first "elimination" show saw one of the few namebrand "stars" get the boot. The Hoff, as in David Hasselhoff, wasn't just hassled, he was sent packing. So now the show that has traditionally operated as a celebrity popularity contest as much as (or more than) a dance competition has only two genuine show-biz-type stars -- the 76-year-old Florence Henderson and the terminally stiff Michael Bolton, neither of whom is a contender. Dancing With the Stars is in danger of becoming Dancing With People You've Barely Heard Of.

The 11th season of Dancing With the Stars kicked off Monday night and, as always, there were two questions hanging over the first-night viewing: Who are the dancers and who are the trainwrecks?
Maybe one show, the first show, is inadequate for sweeping pronouncements, but as head judge Len Goodman told David Hasselhoff after a staggeringly awful cha-cha-cha, "it's never too early to panic. In that spirit, this may be the weakest cast of celebrity dancers yet, coming on the heels of last season's best-ever cast.
So who can dance? Dirty Dancing star Jennifer Grey. And showing promise, ex Laker Rick Fox, Disney actor Kyle Massey and former NFL-er Kurt Warner. As for the trainwrecks? Take your pick. Worst of the bunch: the Hoff, the Situation, Margaret Cho and Michael Bolton. But the best of Monday night's bunch would have been middle-of-the-pack last season.

Season 3 of FX's series about life in the small-town California motorcycle gang, the Sons of Anarchy, revs up (har!) with tonight's premiere, "So."

The episode picks up almost to the minute when last season's finale ended -- with young prince Jax (played by the never-guess-he's-British Charlie Hunnam) in desperate torment over the kidnapping of his infant son by a renegade member of the IRA.

Meanwhile, Gemma, the show's Lady Macbeth (played in an ongoing tour-de-force performance by Katey Sagal) is on the run and on the FBI's most-wanted list after being set up for murder by a no-good, ever-more-evil FBI agent (perfectly played by Ally Walker).

Without much buzz, Sons of Anarchy has become FX's top-rated show, and it's easy to see why: great dialogue/storytelling/characters/acting. And all that leather and Harleys... What's not to love?

If you haven't seen it, you may want to power through the first two seasons before taking on tonight's action. If you've been riding sidecar all along, then hang on, the ride gets bumpy real fast.

Watch the show at 9 p.m. tonight on FX and tell us your thoughts here.

The clash of the Dallas team owners continues on Entourage. On last night's episode, "Sniff Sniff Gang Bang," one of the storylines had Turtle (Jerry Ferrara) trying to find investors to fund a new factory for Avion Tequila. Waiting for Ari, he runs into Mark Cuban who is meeting Ari to discuss some never-defined content negotiations.

When Jon Stewart returned from vacation on August 2, viewers of The Daily Show got to see the friend he brought back with him -- his sporty vacation beard. A timeless ritual of men of a certain age, the vacation beard was exciting and new. A trim Van Dyke, sporting lots of silver, it gave Jon Stewart a hipster professor look, the American Studies professor that has a line of adoring coeds queuing outside his door during office hours.

Like all men with new beards, Jon couldn't stop playing with his, rubbing it, twirling it. Like a kid with a new toy, or a guy with a new cell phone. Cute at first, then kind of annoying. But fear not. Like all vacation beards, Jon's wasn't long for this world. As predicted (by, um, me) during last Friday's Talking TV podcast, Jon Stewart returned this week, (on Tuesday, after a post-vacation break on Monday) clean-shaven. He even opened the show with a little reflection on his vacation beard, which he had named "Beardy, and it's moment in the spotlight.

Farewell facial hair. Welcome back my smooth-faced friend.

Archer, the first animated series on FX to be renewed for a second season, is about a secret intelligence organization and its star spy, the brilliantly stupid Sterling Archer. At a Tuesday afternoon panel, executive producer Matt Thompson ticked off highlights of the second season (slated for 2011) including Archer's "illegitimate baby," a reunion with his father and "a huge love interest with a femme fatale Russian spy."
Thompson and the cast were asked about the show's decidedly adult content juxtaposed with its relentlessly smart humor and dialogue. Aisha Tyler (voice of sexy spy Lana Kane) summed up the show's balancing act. "I call it stinky-thinky. You learn something - like the difference between legerdemain and bailiwick - and then there's a reference to statutory rape."

The ongoing renaissance in scripted storytelling, driven by the explosion of original programming on cable TV, has evolved to the point that where once appearing on television was seen as a blemish on a movie star's resume, it's now a status symbol. That's the switch Landgraf has observed in his seven years with FX.
Citing the "creative boldness" and nuanced characters in shows like Mad Men and The Wire, Landgraf said "...a lot of being a movie star these days is standing in front of a green screen in a latex costume with guide wires on, learning how to do karate. And I think in that environment, actors want to go where the best writers are."
And that is cable television.

From the early days of the cable TV revolution, FX has led the charge in complex adult dramas - the gritty cop show, The Shield, was the network's first big hit. More recently, Damages, starring Glenn Close as a high-profile but ethically dubious attorney, has defined the network's brand of smart-sophisticated entertainment. After three seasons and months of cancellation rumors, Landgraf explained the deal with DirecTV that will continue the series - just not on FX.
"They [DirecTV] were willing to underwrite it to a very substantial amount financially, they enabled it to move forward, that was a deal that Sony worked on very aggressively - but they wanted it exclusively so this was really the best and only way for 'Damages' to move forward. So we stepped aside...."

Two news announcements opened FX Network's day at TV's summer press tour. John Landgraf, network president, announced that FX has ordered a second season of Louie, the half-hour comedy series from stand-up Louie C.K., and signed on for a new comedy series from Reno 911! creators Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant. The new show, U.S.S. Alabama, will, like its Reno-based predecessor, use an improve-scripted hybrid style to follow the adventures of a group of semi-functional co-workers, in this case a crew of "spacefarers" on a mission in space.

Top 10 Insider Revelations from the Glee panel:
10. The producers have the first four years mapped with the original cast. "We haven't thought about what comes after that," said co-creator Ryan Murphy.
9. The production schedule works out to an episode every eight days. That gives the crew four days of prep. For Adam Anders, the show's music producer, that works out to about an hour per song per castmember. For Zach Woodlee, Glee's choreographer, he gets about eight hours with the cast to work out each routine.
8. The new season will feature a Britney Spears episode, one of two this season that will be devoted to a single music star (like Madonna or Lady Gaga in the first season). Murphy explained the producers pore over all of Britney's videos and public appearances to pull out all the performer's "iconic looks."
7. The second season will feature (at least) two Broadway stars: John Stamos and Cheyenne Jackson. Jackson will play the coach of the rival glee club, Vocal Adrenaline.
6. The big influence in Glee's creation: the movie Election. "That was a movie that went anywhere and did anything," Ryan said.

Newsflash: Matthew Perry is a funny guy. The former Friends star was every bit as quick and compulsive with the jokes as Chandler Bing during a panel for the new ABC sitcom, Mr. Sunshine, slated as a mid-season show to premiere in January.
Asked about his view on movies vs. television and he came back with "You can tell how successful the movies were by the fact that I'm here."
Explaining that this show came out of his desire not just to star in but write a show, and that he decided to write what he knew, he came up with a show about a "selfish jerk" who's trying to figure out how to improve his life.
"The character is basically me five years ago," Perry said.
This, inevitably, led to the follow-up question: What happened to you back then?
Perry did his best Chandler double-take.
"Look at any newspaper from 1996. Or any magazine cover. It's all there."

With the number of TV shows using a "mockumentary" approach - viewers experience the show through the perspective of a documentary film team - it would be easy to argue with executive producer Jason Richman's assertion that using a "documentary framework" for ABC's new cop drama, Detroit 1-8-7 gave the show "a unique conceptual hook."

If you had to sum up the problem with award shows in three words, what would they be? How about "endless acceptance speeches?" The stammering, false starts, the unfolded sheet with a phone book's worth of names - agents, attorneys, assistants, a long-lost teacher.
Veteran award show producer, Don Mischer, in charge of this year's 62nd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards, has what he hopes will be the answer: the thank-you cam."
"It'll be set up backstage," Mischer said. "A winner can walk off and pull out the list and thank their sixth-grade teacher and anybody else they want to, and we'll stream it live onto the Emmy Web site."
All viewers have to do is click on it. Or not.

Fans may have lost Lost, but network execs are eager to come up with a new puzzle program for viewers to obsess over. Last season, ABC swung and missed with the one-and-out sci-fi series Flashforward. Now NBC is stepping up to the plate with The Event.

A new cold war is the hot TV trend as spy shows pop up all over the small screen. We already have shows like Burn Notice on USA Network and NBC's Chuck, and this fall will add to the subterfuge fold. It's the same networks, different spies as USA unveils Covert Affairs and NBC premieres Undercovers.

Anybody hoping to cash in on the pop culture collectible craze, start scouring attics and garage sales for old Lost in Space lunchboxes or a pair of My Favorite Martian antennae. According to Joe Maddalena, host of SYFY's new reality show, Hollywood Hunting, about Maddalena's pursuit of lost Hollywood treasures.

"60s TV is red hot," said Maddalena. "Especially anything science fiction."

Speaking of Conan O'Brien, the once and future late night talk show host is credited as an executive producer on the new legal drama, Outlaw, starring Jimmy Smits as a Supreme Court Justice who retires to become a crusading lawyer. But don't let the title fool you.

"He really isn't actively involved in a day-to-day way," explained executive producer David Kissinger. But "he's thrilled at the opportunity."

He promised his hosting gig at the 62nd Primetime Emmy Awards wouldn't turn into "The Primetime Jimmy Show," but the Friday afternoon panel on the Emmy telecast almost did.

Superstar producer Jerry Bruckheimer was stuck in Europe, but his cast and co-producers were onstage Friday afternoon to promote Chase, a new drama from NBC that is yet another broadcast network show with Dallas as its production home.

Most Promising Show Not Available for Screening: Showtime's Episodes, a surreal showbiz satire starring Matt LeBlanc as Matt LeBlanc. The former Joey is cast in the American remake of a hit British show. Lots of comic mischief at the expense of meddling studio executives, but writer/producer David Crane promised the heart of the show is the triangle between LeBlanc and the British husband/wife actors who come to L.A. to star in the remake. He loves L.A.; she hates it.
"He thinks the glass as half-full and she thinks the glass is an idiot."

Episodes premieres Jan. 10.

With shows like Dexter, Weeds, Californication, Nurse Jackie and United States of Tara, Showtime has been busily cranking out variations on its premium-cable theme. With HBO's The Sopranos as the all-powerful precedent, Showtime's brand-defining hook has been to create family dramas driven by some extreme quirk. Whether it's a suburban mom turned drug dealer (Weeds), serial-killing stepdad (Dexter), a stay-at-home mom with multiple personalities or a working mom who's a drug addict (Nurse Jackie), Showtime keeps twisting the conventions of family drama.

Dawn Ostroff, head of The CW, was introduced to the ballroom of TV critics as "the longest serving network president," a status given a current-events boost by the abrupt resignation of ABC prez Steve McPherson just as the summer press tour was kicking off earlier this week.
That wasn't the only thing she had to boast about on Thursday afternoon. Heading into its fifth season, the once-upstart network is now "firmly entrenched in the zeitgeist" thanks to hit shows like Gossip Girl and The Vampire Diaries. And through its focus on hip dramas and innovative use of digital media, The CW has established its brand as a go-to source for trends and entertainment among the network's targeted audience of young adults.
It was in that "innovation is in our DNA" context that Ostroff announced the network's latest strategic step in The CW's digital evolution. As part of its "online sales initiative," the network will start offering full episodes on line (nothing new) that include "full advertising loads in the stream" (which is new).
This means that viewers who watch CW shows on their computers through the network's Web site will find themselves sitting through just as many commercials as they would watching on TV (and no fastforwarding). That may be good for the network which is looking forward to "a significant revenue stream" and "digital dollars instead of digital pennies."
But for young viewers, accustomed to watching their shows online and virtually commercial-free, this "innovation" may drain all the fun out of online viewing. Ostroff acknowledged that the effect may be to "drive back viewers to TV," but she cited studies the network has done (but didn't make available) that showed viewers using online streaming of shows "will sit and watch more commercials."
"This may become a blueprint for the other networks to follow," she enthused. Yes. Exactly. That's a scenario no one but a network executive would celebrate.

If viewers of the new sitcom $#*! My Dad Says have half as much fun watching the show as the panel members did goofing on Twitter and tweeting, then the show should be a hit. Judging by the pilot, which has been scratched and will be largely re-shot using a new actor to play William Shatner's son, that seems unlikely.

That new actor, Jonathan Sadowski (replacing Ryan Devlin) wasn't onhand for the panel, so it was left to the show's three executive producers and star William Shatner to fan the flames. Shatner, one of the most reliably quotable celebrities in show business, didn't need much help.

"I started in live television, "said Shatner. "I was there when the cameras were as big as this table. I was there. Now we're talking about green screens and putting us in places we'll never visit. It's amazing. It's beyond irony. The miracle and the tragedy of our lives has been our inventiveness."

Amid the deep-think philosophy, Shatner also fired off a few short shots, as when asked if he wished the network would change the crazy-character title.

"You know what I wish? I wish they would just call it [expletive]."

Our TV and media critic Tom Maurstad is posting from the 2010 Television Critics Association (TCA) Summer Press Tour. Keep coming back for updates.

The cable crossover of broadcast television was in full effect during CBS segment that kicked off this year's summer press tour. Whether it's the ongoing consolidation that is putting cable and broadcast networks under the same corporate umbrellas (CBS owns Showtime, NBC owns USA and Bravo, and so on) or broadcast networks adopting cable-show characteristics such as character-driven drama or serialized storytelling, lines are being blurred.

Another sign of those times was evident when the producers of the new Hawaii Five O talked about what they want the show to be. Talking about the frequent beauty shots in the pilot - oceans, surfers, beaches, palm trees and flowers - the new show, like the original, offers a tempting travelogue of Hawaii's bountiful charms. In this was, it is like location-driven cable shows like Burn Notice (Miami) and Royal Pains (the Hamptons), summertime hits that have inspired the catchall tagline, "blue sky television."

Our TV and media critic Tom Maurstad is posting from the 2010 Television Critics Association (TCA) Summer Press Tour. Keep coming back for updates.

Season 7 kicks off with a black Mercedes sedan pulling into the gated drive of yet another fabulous L.A. estate, the camera zooming in on the vanity plate TRTL I. It joins two others already parked in the drive, identical save for the plates that read TRTL II and TRTL III.

Welcome to the new grown-up world of Entourage, where even middle-aged adolescent Turtle is finally growing up and becoming a business owner -- operating a (small) fleet of cars for hire, Mercedes sedans driving by beautiful girls, the L.A equivalent of Town Cars driving by heavy-set Italian guys.

HBO's Entourage begins its 10-episode seventh season on June 27 at 9:30 pm. This is cause enough for celebration -- I know for a show about "young Hollywood" and four single guys, it's getting somewhat on in years, and we can take up the "jumped-the-shark?" debate in subsequent posts.

But for now, let's just dare to be optimistic and hope that the new season will find new tricks or new executions of old tricks to keep things lively. And already there's this: Guess who's featured in the first couple of episodes? Jerry Jones. Admittedly, the idea of Jerry lining up with all of Hollywood's young and beautiful may seem like a set-up waiting for its punchline. But the show gives the Cowboys owner a juicy storyline. Now that Ari is the emperor of the world's biggest agency, he sets his sights on the NFL and their upcoming renegotiations for exclusive TV rights. The NFL has always handled this in-house; Ari wants to change that.

Who better to search for the next Oprah than the current Oprah? As part of her latest mission/venture, an open casting call for "Your OWN Show: Oprah's Search For The Next TV Star," will be conducted at Kohl's in Plano on June 12. There's more than one Kohl's in Plano, so get directions here . The address is 4708 W. Spring Creek Pkwy, 75093.

This audition is part of a new reality competition show set to debut in January, 2011 on The Oprah Winfrey Network, OWN. It is being produced by Mark Burnett, the ubiquitous reality TV creator behind everything from Survivor to Celebrity Apprentice. This show promises to be a bit of both as contestants go through a "host boot camp" and attempt challenges such as booking guests, researching interviews and segment ideas, and mastering a screen. No word on whether any bug-eating will be required. The show will culminate in a winner being named who will "receive a commitment for his or her own show, executive produced by Mark Burnett, and scheduled to premiere on OWN in 2011."

Next-generation Oprahs (Oprah 2.0) need to be there early. Wristbands for audition slots will be distributed at 8 am. Auditions will begin at 9 am. Here's an important point: "Only the first 500 people are guaranteed to be seen by the casting directors; additional people will be seen only if time allows." Sounds like sleeping bags are in the immediate future of applicants. Also, you must bring a completed application. You can download the application by going to www.oprah.com -- or by clicking here.

From the first dance, ten weeks ago, it was clear who the finalists should be -- Olympic ice-skating champion Evan Lysacek and pop entertainer Nicole Scherzinger. But Tuesday night's finale of Dancing With the Stars 10th season was the most dramatic in the competition's history.

So I heard something about a Lost finale on Sunday night that was apparently some sort of deal -- big, presumably. Gee, that's swell. As a counterweight to that 2-and-a-half-hour experiment in abstract television, Monday night provided a two-hour study in concrete television. And old-fashioned formula storytelling and traditional roller-coaster-ride of action and romance never seemed so fresh, fun and smart.

Coming into Sunday night's finale, Celebrity Apprentice was the reality show that reality had run away with. Through the season, model/actress Holly Robinson Peete was the obvious frontrunner and rock star Bret Michaels was the show's comic relief. But as the two finalists, Michaels roared by Peete, not because of anything he did on the show, but because of his near-death health scare with his recent brain hemorrhage.

During the two-hour live (and taped) broadcast, nearly everyone acknowledged that Bret's real-life event trumped Holly's reality-TV performance -- reigning champ Joan Rivers said "business-wise Holly, but... I'm going with Bret," fired contestant Rod Blagojevich called it a "head-versus-heart thing" and went with his heart. Even Holly admitted that her five-year-old son told her he was "kind of pulling for Bret." And in the end, so was Donald Trump, who named Bret Michaels the winner, but only after announcing that both celebrities were receiving the winner's prize -- a $250,000 contribution to their charities.

On the last "Results" show before next week's Dancing With the Stars' final, the official "news" is that Chad Ochocinco received the unwelcome honor of being the show's 100th elimination, sending pop entertainer Nicole Scherzinger, gold-medal-skater Evan Lysacek and ESPN sportscaster Erin Andrews into next Monday's showdown for the mirror-ball trophy.
But what people are likely to be talking about is the going-all-gaga performance by Miley Cyrus. Singing/synching her new single, "Can't Be Tamed, and sporting provocative black ensemble, Miley and her production seemed desperate to channel Lady Gaga. She appeared in a bird cage, hence the odd and presumably edgy feathers and hairstyles. All the strutting and flash are sure to ignite another debate over PG-aged kid entertainers (she is 17) trying to cross over to the R-rated world of adult entertainment.

Pick your perspective for tonight's Dancing With the Stars' semifinals elimination. Last night may have been the most competitive semifinal performance round in DWTS history. If you go best dancer, then the choice is easy: Nicole Scherzinger and Evan Lysacek are the clear winners, with Erin Andrews close behind. But if you go with truest to the amateur spirit, then Chad Ochocinco, should be the winner. He's the only one with absolutely no dance experience, and he has worked hard to become a pretty good dancer. It's either him or Erin Andrews going home tonight.

Niecy Nash may not have been the best dancer of this season, but she certainly was the best in just about every other way -- class, humor, humility, style, grace. She showed all of those in accepting her elimination Tuesday night, leaving the final four -- Evan Lysacek, Nicole Scherzinger, Erin Andrews and Chad Ochocinco -- for next week's semi-finals. Not surprisingly, she gave the the best farewell speech in the show's history; funny, sweet and genuine, as she was in the scrapbook of clips of her (and partner Louie Van Amstel) throughout the season. She deserves the DWTS equivalent of an honorary Oscar.

It's the week before the week before, with only five celebrities left on Dancing With the Stars. Last night was the season's first time each star had two individual dances to learn -- a ballroom dance and then a Latin dance themed to a decade, such as ESPN sportscaster Erin Andrew's 80s rumba. As complicated as all that sounds, the results were so predictable loyal fans hardly needed to watch. It was pop entertainer Nicole Scherzinger at the top and NFL-er Chad Ochocinco and comic actress Niecy Nash at the bottom. One of them is likely to go tonight; it should be Niecy.

Tuesday night's show confirmed it (again): Dancing With the Stars is -- all together now -- not a dance competition; it's a popularity contest. That's why the worst dancer, of the remaining six competitors, funny-sassy Niecy Nash, was saved to dance another week. Meanwhile, Pamela Anderson, a surprisingly good and steadily improving dancer, was sent packing and Erin Andrews, who has been burning up the dance floor and should be a shoe-in for the finals, was in the bottom two. Beautiful women have a tough time with DWTS' voting viewers. That bodes well for the two remaining men -- Evan Lysacek and Chad Ochocinco.

The judges' superlatives were flying last night on Dancing With the Stars: for Niecy Nash and Erin Andrews, it was "your best dance this season." For Chad Ochocinco, it was "tonight you became a contender," while Nicole Scherwinger was told "you are by far the best dancer ever on the show." And then Evan Lysacek got a perfect 30 for his Argentine tango, the night's top score. A team competition put Nicole and Evan in a tie for first, but the real action is at the other end of the spectrum: Who's next to go? Smart money bet: Niecy Nash.

You didn't need Tuesday night's repeated reminders to know that Dancing With the Stars is over the halfway hump and starting its sprint into the finals. The show tried to wring some suspense out of the elimination, but reality TV's reigning Bachelor, Jake Pavelka was the lowest-hanging star and he got plucked. There were some tears and a shout-out to his hometown Dallas (and Mavericks) fans. So now Dancing With the Stars cast is down to actual stars who can actually dance -- let the finals-frenzy games begin.

In the last few weeks of tabloid-twitter mania, much was made of the Gosselin Effect -- that the presence of this year's octomom and the Khate-gate she set off. Many took it for granted that she was the cause of this year's boffo ratings and that when she was gone, those ratings would plummet. This formed the foundation of many vote-rigging conspiracy theories. Well, last night (Monday, 4/26) was the first night since Khate was khut and initial overnight ratings reveal a small dip, from a 12.9 households rating to an 11.1. Is that enough of a drop to confirm the Gosselin Effect. Probably not. But there is one number for one demographic that does: The share of women 25-54 dropped from 25 to 19. I guess the continuing exploits of Pamela Anderson aren't enough to keep those women watching.

With that Gosselin gal out of the picture, Dancing with the Stars got back to business in week six. Except that no sooner has one irksome reality TV celebrity been cut than another one takes her place. The twitter-ati are no doubt coining clever variations on Jake Pavelka's name after his whiny response to the judges' criticisms of his show-opening samba on Monday night. He and partner Chelsie Hightower were also the first cut in the final "Swing marathon," putting him in last place. Here's hoping he's next to go.

A strange thing happened on Dancing With the Stars' results show this week: the worst dancer got eliminated. Kate Gosselin was the first star placed in the bottom two, eventually joined by Pamela Anderson. When the shot heard 'round the reality-TV world was finally fired, a teary Kate was nothing but kind words and well wishes.
"I'm very, very honored to have been here. I love everyone that I met. It was a great experience, and... I had a wonderful teacher."
So ends "Khate"-mania. There's still a competition to be won, but the real question is: Will the season's high ratings go with Kate?

Monday's Dancing with the Stars was "Movie Night," when each celebrity's dance takes its theme from a hit film. So guess whose movie-dance was a total flop? It's hardly a guess since Kate Gosselin again received the lowest score after again sleepwalking through another number, this time a Breakfast Club-themed foxtrot. As head judge Les Goodman observed, "it wasn't a dance; it was a stroll." She should go, but if her indefensible streak continues, Niecy Nash, tied for second-to-last (with Chad Ochocinco), is the smart-money pick to the next harder-working better dancer to get the boot instead.

Another Tuesday night elimination, another log thrown on the DWTS conspiracy-theory fire. Kate Gosselin was once again spared, after again securing the week's low score from the judges. Instead, soap star and clunky but improving Aiden Turner was sent packing.

So which theory do you favor: The network fix is in and ABC execs, loving this season's high ratings, won't let their tabloid mama go; her us-against-the-world true-blue corp of fans is keeping Kate in; or it's a Sanjaya-styled prank and reality-TV anarchists are voting for the worst rather than the best.

Whatever the reason, the results are the same: better dancers keep getting eliminated.

We could talk about Monday night's dancing -- once again, figure skater Evan Lysacek was the top scorer with Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger right behind him. But a month into Dancing with the Stars' tenth season, that's not what (or who) anybody is talking about. The subject of all the buzz is the week-in/week-out worst dancer, Kate Gosselin, who again brought up the rear with the show's low score, 32. Her tango during the night's "double-elimination showdown" was hailed by judge Bruno Tonioli as a "mini-breakthrough," hastily adding that it was still "very, very bad." Off the dancefloor, Kate complained to long-suffering partner Tony Dovolani about her highly publicized private-life woes and complained about the advantages enjoyed by her show-biz competitors. Will the show's high-ratings-loving producers or her fans' anti-Khate campaign save her from elimination again?

Forget "Who will win?" The big question on Dancing with the Stars is "fans or fix?" After yet another week of terrible dancing and general unpleasantness, Kate Gosselin is safe, and someone else was sent packing Tuesday night. Worse, this week's ejected star is American hero, Buzz Aldrin, who provided a portrait of grace and good humor in the face of elimination.

So, is it Kate's devoted fans keeping her in, or is the fix in from producers? High ratings (DWTS's ratings topped American Idol for the first time ever in week 2) have been credited to what's been dubbed "the Gosselin effect," leading many hardcore fans to suspect the latter.

Unbelievable, or should I say all too believable. With the shocking elimination of Shannen Doherty on the first Results show of season 10, the DWTS conspiracy theories accelerator will no doubt be thrown in high gear

That's because in just two short weeks, reality TV's most famous mom, Kate Gosselin, has established herself as not only maybe the worst dancer in DWTS history, but also absolutely the most unpleasant person. Already she's been dubbed "Khate" in the DWTS blogosphere, and her last-minute salvation at the expense of Shannen, who showed real improvement this week from last, provoked a torrent of sputtering, enraged and/or dumbfounded reactions.

With no results show last week, think of Monday night's round as the second first night of Dancing with the Stars' 10th season. The who'll-be-cut-first question has to be answered before competition can really begin, so this week is all about the race at the bottom.
Octogenarian astronaut Buzz Aldrin showed plenty of charm and pluck, but -- surprise, surprise -- he really can't dance. He's likely safe for a week (at least), though, thanks to the unthinkable Kate Gosselin.
She can't dance, either. But in two short weeks, she's confirmed every snarky, pre-show tabloid report with her erratic, impatient and just plain mean behavior (poor Tony Dovolani deserves the DWTS equivalent of a Purple Heart). Hard to imagine her not being the first to go.

Last season there were 16 contestants, this season there are 10, but whatever the number, when a new season of Dancing with the Stars starts, the question remains the same. Who can dance and who can't? As Monday night's two-hour premiere revealed, a few can, a few more show promise, a couple more could maybe surprise us, and a couple just plain can't.

No surprise that the two best on season 10's first night were gold-medal figure skater Evan Lysacek and Pussycat Dolls pop star Nicole Scherzinger -- with his athletic and her performance backgrounds, they are this season's ringers. The surprises came with NFL'er Chad Ochocinco's great cha-cha-cha that kicked off the show (he got undeservedly low scores from the judges) and comedienne Niecy Nashy's fun waltz that she dedicated "to thick girls everywhere." And, closing the show, Pamela Anderson's cha-cha-cha proved she's good enough to stick around for awhile.

Buzz Aldrin was simultaneously great and terrible -- great as an 80-year-old American hero and terrible as a competing dancer. if the producers want to cast older celebrities, then they should take a page from the PGA's playbook and start a Seniors Tour. Others who can't dance (at all) include the original octo-mom, Kate Gosselin, hometown hero and Bachelor star Jake Pavelka and Shannen Doherty.

With no "Results" episode Tuesday night, viewers will have a week (and another round of dances next Monday) to answer the other opening-night question: Who will be the first eliminated? Public sentiment will spare Buzz, so my guess is lead-footed soap star Aiden Turner.

Technically, what I was watching Sunday night was the Oscars, but early Monday morning I was watching the finale of what's been the best season of Big Love and, therefore, week in week out the best show on television.

This has been a crazy season and fulfilling that craziness, the penultimate episode left so many ball up in the air, there seemed no way that the finale, in the span of 50-something minutes, could wrap everything up. The short answer is: it doesn't. But the slightly longer answer is: it deals with everything it needed to in really smart, surprising and provocative ways. Read on only if you're spoiler-safe.

Leno's return to late night television at the helm of the Tonight Show began with a spoof of The Wizard of Oz. In grainy black and white, Jay is lying in bed, surrounded by anxious friends, a re-enactment of the classic scene in which Dorothy awakens from Oz's technicolor dreamland to find herself back in her Kansas farmhouse.

The difference is what Jay is waking up from was more like a nightmare. His opening monologue made only a few glancing references to the last several months of tumult and drama. No mention of Conan O'Brien, an affectionate jab at David (Letterman) and Oprah (Winfrey) with whom he appeared in a Super Bowl spot, and one joke at the expense of his home network NBC.

Other than that, the "new" Jay quickly settled into "old" Jay mode and tossed out jokes about Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Tiger Woods and Toyota. With jokes about incompetent government and greedy airlines, Jay continued his re-branding as the Tea Party TV host, an effort that will receive a considerable boost tomorrow (Tuesday) night when his main guest will be former governor Sarah Palin.

What if you held a press conference and nobody was invited to come -- would you still make a sound? That's a question nobody asked, but Tiger answered it anyway at a Friday morning event where almost no one and certainly not journalists were invited.

Technically, pre-approved members of three news organizations were allowed to attend, but nobody was allowed to ask questions. Tiger just talked (and talked) in a speech that lasted about 13 minutes. You can watch it here

April 13, otherwise known as the return of the Fox-tastic musical-comedy-drama Glee, is still a couple months away. But the network kindly offers this little taste-tease to tide fans jones-ing for a fresh batch of the show. Click here for a short promo of the upcoming season. My favorite moment: dragon-queen coach Sue Sylvester (played by the priceless Jane Lynch) critiquing her cheerleaders' performance of a routine to a Madonna song, I think it's Get into the Groove: "Somewhere in the English countryside, in a stately manor home, Madonna is weeping."

"My Funky Valentine" is another winner. There are, as always, three intersecting storylines involving the show's three circles of family hell. Best this week is the story of Phil and Claire trying to have an excitingly different kind of Valentine's Day, involving role-playing and a hotel bar.

Phil is just so reliably hilarious in his clumsy ineptitude. As soon as Claire suggests the role-playing idea, he launches into some improv -- "Perhaps I'll be Reginald Appleby. An English gentleman in town for a polo match." Each is more ridiculous than the last, and Claire finally says "Phil, you're kind of spoiling it." He then tries to seductively brush and caress her face. After several faltering swipes, she sighs and pushes his hand away..

The pick-up scene at the bar is priceless and even better is the escalator fiasco when Claire gets the belt of her coat caught. She's naked underneath it, so naturally a parade of friends and family start streaming by, all opening with the suggestion "Why don't you just take your coat off?"

Look out 30 Rock? There's a new, really funny, kid in town.

I'll go ahead and say it: I was a little let down by Monday night's finale, "Brave New World." After a season of build-up, slowly amassing Samuel's apocalypto-creepy status, setting the stage for what seemed like it was going to be kaleidoscopic-crazy showdown in Central Park, between the evil and/or duped carnies and the Justice League of Benevolent Specials, it all amounted to some jittery camerawork, a few exploding light bulbs and some fairly rinky-dink cracks-in-the-earth effects.

The fight between Peter and Samuel was especially lame as they sent unseen seismic waves back and forth at each other while grunting and straining heroically or villainously, depending on whose turn it was to grunt and strain.. Likewise, Sylar's showdown with the Puppetmaster was more pffft than pow, and mostly happened off-camera. The whole fairgrounds scene just looked so staged and small -- they kept talking about "thousands" being killed but you never saw a crowd that looked like more than a few dozen, and zero sense of it being in Central Park. This was a finale that seemed severely under-produced (and under-budgeted?).

No suprise then, that the best moments were the quietest and those rooted in the writing and acting. The hospital-room interlude between Hiro and Charlie, when Hiro discovers that Charlie was swept back to the 1940s by one of Samuel's minions and has been living (and growing old) ever since. The scene of him watching through a window as the now elder, and dying, Charlie is surrounded by her kids and grandkids was a sweetly-sad moment of truth for Hiro, and us.

And the exchange between HRG and Claire was likewise satisfying as he shared his dying testimony with her in that buried trailer.

That scene tied directly into the closing vignette that served as the kick-off of the next chapter -- if there is a next chapter. Claire climbing to the top of the ferris wheel and throwing herself off as the Big Apple's TV camera and reporters watch. "What's she doing? asks Lauren. "Breaking my heart," says HRG.

Claire gets up and resets her broken bones and says "That's suicide attempt number, I've lost count.'' So now the secret is out and the world will know that "they" (the specials) are among us. Unless, of course, NBC cancels the show. But why in the Southland would they do that? Oh yeah.

The commercial I admire most is the Google ad: no flash, no special effects, no naked women, no talking babies, no screaming chickens. But it's such a smart idea, telling a love story (and telling it really well) through a procession of search questions, The arc from the unentangled beginning (student questions about programs in France) to the final "how to assemble a crib" is just beautifully, sweetly done. And it deepens your appreciation of the Google brand and what it does.

But as far as Super Bowl commercials -- the good, the bad and the raunchy goes -- I liked Denny's screaming chickens, I liked the McDonald's early first quarter commercial that probably almost no one saw and the Brett Favre Hyundai commercial. But I'll go with Kia and its toy-filled Vegas bound joyride spot.

Funny new E Trade baby spot, "First Class," with the Wall-street-wise baby flying home after a business trip and explaining how E Trade "saved me a pantload."

It is finished.